Great America 2

Intro

      Imagine being dropped at 100 ft down at 60 mph! I experienced this ride in the theme park, Great America. Last Tuesday, I went to Great America with my class for a field trip. I had a good time at Great America. I experienced the thrill rides, I shared special time with my friends, and had great food.

Body

       The thrills of Great America                                                             

     There are many great thrill roller coaster rides in Great America. Here are my top three rides I enjoyed. The best ride of them all was flight deck. It is an extremely fast. During the ride, I could barely move head. I would recommend it to people who like to experience extreme speed and thrill. The second best was the gold striker. It is a ride with huge drops. In fact it drops you at 100 ft at speeds of 60 mph! After the ride my hair was sticking up. I would suggest this to people who like drops with speed. Last but not least, there is the demon. The demon is fast thrill ride with steep loops and sharp turns. After the ride I could barely keep my eyes steady. I would suggest this to people who don't get dizzy.

       The time I shared with my friends

    Secondly, I had a great time with my friends. This was the first time we got to spend time together as one group out of school! This was our one opportunity. We had a nice time! We waited in line together. We pulled on each other's legs and pranked on each other. We went on all the rides, and screamed on them loudly together. We played many games together. Everyone won something special. But I won a cool stuffed animal.

       The services there

      Lastly, I had great food there. They had good food for a reasonable price. I ate cheese pizza that tasted very fulfilling. I got dip-n-dots ice cream which are very rare. I also got a drink called icees which are very refreshing. I was disappointed by their service. My friend and I had been waiting in a pizza line for an hour. As soon as we got to the front of the line, they closed the line! As soon as we left, they opened the same line again! We had to restart and go to the back of the line. So we lost our spot in a really long line. Their lines were really mismanaged         

Conclusion

     All in all, I had a good time at Great America with my friends. I enjoyed the thrill roller coasters. I shared special times with my friends. I had good food there. Though, I was disappointed by their service. It could have been improved. Overall, I had an awesome time at Great America.

Thanks for emailing your paper. 

*Avoid boring words like great. You used it way too often.
*You have too many short, choppy sentences. Combine them to improve your fluency. 
*Choose more specific verbs, add more adverbs, and describe further.

I will go over your paper in more depth when I see you next week.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Social Anxiety Essay

     My name is Arjun Agrawal. I am a 16 year old teenager in High School. I have received a lot of feedback stating that I have social anxiety and am scared to mingle with strangers. I will be taking three steps towards addressing this. I will play less video games, play more physical games with familiar people, and interact more with strangers.      Firstly, I vow to play less video games. Video games give instant gratification and happiness. This creates addiction. Addictions to video games consume a lot of time. It takes away time from interacting with other people or playing outside. Playing less video games will create much more space for social interaction.      When I am invited to play basketball with my friends, I don't join. This is because I am afraid that I will embarrass myself. Therefore, I dedicate some of my free time playing physical games with familiar people to build confidence. First, I will play basketball with my little brothers outside in my front yard.
Read more

TA-14

   John A. Fisher is a concerned parent. He believes that garden education is vital to the future of children.  His article, "Growing the Kinder-Garden" argues that schools should teach garden education. In order to convince his audience, Fisher instills a feeling of guilt, appeals to logos, and uses collective pronouns.      First of all, Fisher instills a feeling of guilt into his audience. He talks about how children in today's society barely know about gardening. He provides a strong point stating that, "if you have a young child, ask him or her where food comes from. Don't be surprised if the answer you get is 'From the store!'" This shows that most children don't know where food truly comes from. They are so isolated from the real world of farming, they think that food comes from the stores. In reality, all food comes from farms and gardens. Kids these days are becoming obese. They're eating manufactured foods instead of natural food
Read more

Positive Outlook Essay

     If a glass is filled halfway, is the glass half-full or half-empty? This is a commonly asked question to test a person's outlook. Although both choices are correct, each represents a different outlook. If they say it's half full then they are most likely a positive person. If they say it's half empty then they're most likely a negative person. Having a negative outlook on life can be pretty depressing. However, this is not permanent. It can be fixed. In order to have a positive attitude you must appreciate what you have. You can start out by cherishing nature, cherishing family, and cherishing knowledge.    The world is a beautiful place. You must learn to cherish it. Travelling and hiking are both great ways to appreciate nature. Mountainous landscapes formed by small rivers will amaze you. You don't have to go far to embrace nature. Every morning there is a beautiful sunrise right in your backyard. Chances are, if it in your backyard, it is everywhere. How
Read more